I am a fighter!

Crime scene after I was done with Leo.

So, I got into a fight yesterday. The other guy's name was Leo. He didn't talk much, was one of those non-verbal, plush things that sit a round the house here. I had tried to rip him a new a...arm last week, but then he sat there again in my dog bed yesterday, just staring at me and I lost it. I started ripping him apart. Hair first, then the complete head. The mush didn't say a thing, didn't defend himself at all. At some point though, his brain, or whatever that fluffy white stuff is, started coming out. I tried to hide the mess by spreading it all over the floor and when mom saw it, I pretended it was some new decoration style. - She didn't buy it. She took Leo, the headless coward, away, sewed him back together and sat him on a shelf. He is still staring at me, I think. I wasn't allowed to keep the fluffy white stuff either. The big, everything eating thing, that lives in the closet, came out and sucked it up. I am staring to think that I have to run my "operation fun" at night, when the humans sleep. Bummer.

Shoe-bi-du

It's mine now!

To all you girls out there: Aren't shoes the most fun thing under the sun (except for chicken, dog treats and socks, of course)? I mean - a girl just gotta love her shoes! Personally, I prefer the good old German Birkenstock: The chewy cork sole, the soft leather - love it. But as I have been told repeatedly: Don't eat Mommy's Birkenstock - she wants to wear them! Wear them! Toughen up - go barefoot like I do.  And Daddy's Birks are just too stinky to eat. So as I am making my rounds through the closet, I find these cute little black sandals. Gave it a try, chewed through a strap, ate a piece out of the sole, actually made extra room for Mommy's big toe - then, surprise - got expelled from the closet. Was allowed to keep the shoe though: Mommy's said "Here, it's all your's now!". I was happy, just don't know why she didn't look like she had fun and said something about stocking up on new shoes. Have to figure out what DSW is!

Things I learned this morning:

Mommy's little helper - so I thought!

Good looks help a lot, but they don't help you get away with everything.

Here is what I have learned this morning:

• Helping with the laundry by picking random pieces out of the laundry basket is not appreciated.
• Chewing a telephone cable isn't the same as making a phone call.
• Digging a whole between the carpet and the wall and getting caught with sheet rock in your teeth is a no-no.
• Eating raccoon poop tastes like sh... and is not appreciated
• Drinking water out of the shower is frowned upon.
• Eating soap neutralizes the taste of raccoon poop but makes bubbles in your mouth.
• Chewing pieces of the human's Birkenstock results in being evicted from the walk-in closet.

Have to find new strategies. Maybe camouflage?  Should redefine "fun" as humans don't appreciate my approach.

Go Giants!

So there seems to be a little bit of trouble in paradise and all because of the Superbowl: My female human is a soccer fan. Soccer? Is she serious? 22 little guys with naked calves chase a little ball to hit a goal? I can chase a ball by myself, am much faster and don't need a goal. But it gets worse: My big human Steve is a Jets fan. Can you believe it? Gangreen?! I don't look good in green..

I am a Giants girl, as one can see on the picture. And who in my family chose correctly? The truth is in the pudding: Who's team is still playing?! Go Giants!!! I am going to take a nap now in preparation of the game. Need to focus on howling and stealing the appetizers later tonight. See you soon.

In bed with me

Guess how I ended up here!?

I clearly remember a conversation between my big human, Steve, and my female human, Sue, about that there was no chance in hell that I would ever sleep in the big bed. Yeah, sure. I can report today, that all that talking about "dog has to be crated", "puppy needs to learn to be by herself", "humans need privacy" was just human blabla. Six weeks into living with these folks and guess where this picture was taken!?

A little crying in the middle of the night when they let you out to pee at three in the morning and stuff you back in your crate, some whining right after they turn off the lights for the night - and in no time human Steve comes running, gets all lovey-dovey and, in an unsupervised moment, I run into the room with the big bed and start jumping up the blanket. I am telling you, it works every time. Just too bad that the humans take so much space. Have to figure out how to make it my own.

Tricking Humans By Looking Innocent

Worked hard on this look!

OK, after observing human behavior for several days now, I found out that tricking them is pretty easy. Whenever you have done something that they consider "bad behavior", like eating the carpet, biting a whole in the female human's sock, dragging shoes through poop or hiding underneath the bed without telling anybody, just cock your head a bit, open your eyes widely and simply pretend that you have no idea whatsoever what they are talking about. In addition, quickly walk away from the crime scene - don't run - and play with something that they allow you to play with. (We all know that these are the more boring toys, but as couch, chair, trim and Uggs are forbidden, we have to go with these until nobody watches.) And if you walk past a mirror: Keep practicing that innocent look!

Don't leave me alone!

I have a problem: I don't want to be by myself. I am a social girl. I love being around people - day and night. My humans see that differently. Whenever they want to be let alone, they put me in the kitchen - with plywood walls in front of the door frames so that I cannot get out. I can still see them, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot get out. I call that solitary confinement - they call it "time out" for bad behavior. Same thing with my crate: They put me in at night and there I am - by myself, nobody to play with,  nobody to bite, not a soul to cuddle up to. My new strategy? Crying. I heard it works for a lot of human girls so I gave it a try. As soon as I am being left alone, I start crying. Heartbreaking and sad. Takes about two seconds for the humans to show up and talk to me or even let me out. I have heard the word "separation anxiety" a lot. That's what they think I have. Whatever works for them. The crying works for me. And if I end up in puppy school for this "bad behaviour" - just fine with me. Maybe I can meet some pups to hang out with! See you next time.